Get to Know the 101’s of the Innate Brilliance of Your Nervous System and How Trauma Healing Can Help Set You Free
For most of us, our nervous systems don’t actually need “healing”—they’re not broken. Instead, they’re incredibly adaptable, designed to keep us safe moment by moment. But here’s the catch: our nervous systems don’t differentiate between physical and emotional threats, which makes it essential to cultivate emotional intelligence and body awareness. These are the keys to understanding the signals our nervous systems send, allowing us to respond consciously rather than being swept into automatic, often limiting, responses.
Yet, here’s the dichotomy: in our modern, hyper-busy, and often disconnected world, where daily "threats" like deadlines, social pressures, and screens dominate, few of us are raised with any somatic awareness or emotional attunement. Our ancestors, after all, didn’t face the constant buzz of notifications or the societal pressure to "perform." This lack of awareness often leads to our bodies responding to emotional stress as though it were physical danger, making it essential to cultivate the tools to understand and work with these responses. (But that’s a whole other post! For now, let’s explore why this is relevant.)
If we have unresolved trauma—whether it’s big, like losing a loved one, experiencing abuse, or going through a life-threatening illness, or smaller, like feeling rejected by a friend, being humiliated in class as a child, or frequently feeling unseen by a busy parent—these experiences get stored in our nervous system’s "data bank." Each of these moments, big or small, can accumulate over time, as our system continuously scans for both physical and emotional safety. When faced with triggers that remind us of past pain, our nervous system asks: “Am I safe here? Is this dangerous? Could this be life-threatening?”
And here’s the kicker: it’s often the perceived threats, those we’re not fully aware of, that keep us feeling stuck, unconsciously operating in a survival mode. This hidden survival mode limits how we live, love, and experience freedom, often dictating our reactions without us even realizing it.
This is why nervous system rewiring and trauma resolution are so powerful. By lifting the invisible walls created by stored trauma and survival energy, you unlock new layers of freedom, choice, and connection. This inner barrier—the glass ceiling of unresolved trauma—holds you back from living fully and impacting those you love in ways that align with your deeper intentions. But to lift it, you need the right support. Not all somatic support is equal. Some practitioners help you cope without fully healing; others help you create a regulated foundation that frees you. A skilled practitioner who truly understands the nuances of nervous system work and trauma resolution can help you cultivate that foundation within yourself.
At the same time, learning about your nervous system allows you to become a powerful self-healer. Self-regulation and co-regulation are both essential skills. Through self-regulation, you learn how to ground and support yourself from within, while co-regulation with an attuned other provides the relational support that deepens healing. Developing both of these skills empowers you to navigate your own healing journey with greater resilience and autonomy.
Understanding the Nervous System as Gears in a Well-Tuned Vehicle
Imagine your nervous system as a vehicle with different gears, each one designed to navigate life’s varied terrains. Just as you shift between gears depending on whether you’re cruising down the highway or navigating steep hills, your nervous system moves between states to adapt to different situations. Each “gear” has a purpose in keeping your system balanced and responding appropriately to the world around you.
Drive Mode (Ventral Vagal Branch): This is your smooth cruising gear, allowing you to feel safe, connected, and engaged with life. Like an open road, this mode supports curiosity and ease. Physiologically, your heart rate is steady, digestion flows, and connecting with others feels effortless. In this state, your system is balanced, handling life’s small stressors with resilience. Example: Being in your creative flow or connecting with loved ones, where you feel present and engaged.
High Alert (The Sympathetic Branch): When the road ahead suddenly shifts—whether due to encountering an elk on the road or reacting to a stressful newscast—your body enters high alert, activating the fight-or-flight response. Like pressing on the gas to maneuver quickly, your heart rate rises, muscles tense, and adrenaline surges. This gear is essential when extra energy is needed. However, if your system stays here due to unresolved trauma or chronic stress, it can lead to anxiety, restlessness, and tension. Example: Imagine getting cut off in traffic. For a moment, your heart pounds, your focus sharpens, and you quickly steer to avoid a collision. But once safe, your body returns to balance—unless this state becomes chronic.
Freeze Mode (High-Tone Dorsal Response): Freeze is when both the gas and brakes are engaged, like slamming the brakes to avoid an accident. A powerful mix of sympathetic (gas) and high-tone dorsal (brake) energy leaves you feeling tense, frozen, and immobilized. Experts like Peter Levine and Stephen Porges describe freeze as manifesting through muscle tension, shallow breathing, and a pervasive sense of being “stuck.” Functional freeze is common today: appearing functional outwardly, yet feeling “stuck” internally, often leading to fatigue, digestive issues, or autoimmune responses.
Example: Imagine you’re facilitating a transformative workshop, leading others with passion and purpose. As you step up to guide a deeply emotional or vulnerable exercise, you unexpectedly freeze. Your mind goes blank, your body tenses, and you feel stuck—caught between your desire to lead and an overwhelming internal response that’s hard to control. You may outwardly manage to go through the motions, but internally, you’re navigating a cascade of sensations and thoughts that leave you feeling disconnected from your own power and purpose. Over time, this kind of functional freeze can persist in subtle ways, where each high-stakes situation feels like a struggle, no matter how prepared you are.
Shutdown Mode (Dorsal Vagal – Full Shutdown): When danger or overwhelm becomes intense or persistent, the system shifts beyond freeze into full shutdown—like a vehicle that overheats and shuts down to prevent further damage. This deeper dorsal vagal state is the body’s way of conserving energy and protecting itself from additional harm, often redirecting energy away from non-essential functions like digestion, immune response, and emotional engagement. You may feel emotionally numb, physically exhausted, disconnected, and detached from yourself and your surroundings.
Example: Imagine a person who has faced a long series of challenging experiences: a repetitive physical injury that keeps resurfacing, chronic stress from an unsafe or unstable work or home environment, and unresolved developmental trauma from childhood. The combination of these stressors places a constant load on their nervous system. Over time, their body’s initial coping responses—fighting through the pain, staying hypervigilant, or trying to “push through”—become unsustainable, leading to a deep state of shutdown. In this mode, they may feel disconnected from their own needs, unable to enjoy once-meaningful relationships, and struggle with chronic fatigue or even autoimmune issues. Daily tasks feel insurmountable, and emotional engagement is limited; the system, overwhelmed, has downshifted into survival, leaving them feeling "numbed out" and isolated from life.
Adaptive Mode (Fawn Response): The fawn response adapts to threat by appeasing rather than fighting or fleeing. It’s like navigating icy roads with extra caution to avoid danger, with your system in sympathetic activation but holding back through dorsal submission—keeping the peace at the cost of your own needs. Overusing this can lead to burnout, emotional exhaustion, and, ultimately, a disconnect from your true self.
Example: When you’re constantly appeasing others—whether in a relationship, at work, or with friends—you begin to lose sight of who you genuinely are, what drives you, and what makes you tick. Over time, you may find yourself in a career, relationship, or lifestyle that doesn’t align with your true values or desires. You’re living a life not meant for you, shaped more by what you think others expect than by what you truly want, leading to feelings of emptiness, frustration, and a life lacking fulfillment.
Each Gear Has a Purpose: Essential for Survival and Adaptation
These states—drive, high alert, freeze, shutdown, and adaptive (fawn)—are part of a well-designed system, all inherently good and essential for survival. However, getting stuck in any one state too long can lead to dysfunction and dis-ease across mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual levels. The nervous system is designed to shift between these modes, responding to threats and returning to balance when safe.
When the system becomes stuck—whether due to unresolved trauma, chronic stress, or unmet needs—your body can no longer adapt smoothly:
Drive Mode should feel open and resilient. However, constant perceived threats can keep you hypervigilant, even when safe.
High Alert is necessary in emergencies, but prolonged activation from perceived threats can lead to chronic anxiety and burnout.
Freeze Mode in chronic form can manifest as apprehension, illness, or constant fear.
Shutdown conserves energy to an extreme, but extended periods here may lead to numbness and detachment.
Adaptive (Fawn) Mode leads to exhaustion if used as a default to avoid conflict, causing a loss of connection with your true self.
Self-Healing and the Role of the Regulated Adult Core Self
While much healing can be done independently, the right support—an empathic witness—often provides the biological imperative needed for true healing. A skilled practitioner offers a safe space, essential for helping the nervous system to heal. True healing requires an anchor in your adult core self—a grounded, regulated part of you capable of witnessing and holding space for past experiences.
Cultivating this foundation of self-regulation in your adult core self is essential. For many, though, this skill needs to be learned. In such cases, having a supportive, attuned practitioner is not just helpful; it’s biologically imperative for deep healing, especially when old attachment wounds are involved. The presence of a safe and skilled practitioner provides the relational stability needed to guide the nervous system out of survival mode and into true healing. The practitioner’s regulated presence can help create an anchor, allowing your nervous system to gradually let go of survival-based patterns and move toward a state of balance and resilience.
Restoring the Flow: Moving Between Gears
Just as a well-tuned vehicle is meant to shift between gears to navigate different terrains, your nervous system is designed to move through different states to respond to life’s challenges and joys. You are meant to experience the natural waves of your nervous system, responding to positive stress—like play, sex, and purpose—while also having the capacity to downregulate, restore, and regenerate. The key to healing is learning to move fluidly between these gears, allowing your body to return to balance and ease.
The Science of Healing Meets the Soul
As we explore the realm of healing, remember that our nervous system holds the map. Neuroscience and Polyvagal Theory offer core insights, but compassion, connection, curiosity, and attuned witnessing are the keys to opening that map. With the support of a skilled practitioner, you can re-establish a sense of safety in your body, balancing the energies of the masculine and feminine and returning to an experience of wholeness.
Healing is more than survival; it’s about remembering our divinity and fullness, moving beyond the patterns and trauma that may have shaped us but don’t define us. And as we walk this path together, we invite both science and spirit, the masculine and feminine, to guide us home.
A Note on the Pivot Points of Life and the Value of Capacity
And one last thing: regulation isn’t always the end goal. Life's inherent demands, trials, and tribulations require us to navigate a range of states, especially in moments that call us to pivot from old patterns and embark on new journeys. I call this a "pivot point." In these moments, don’t focus solely on regulation—focus on capacity, presence, and tracking the nuances within yourself. This orientation toward being fully human is, in my view, more valuable than bypassing discomfort or endlessly "naming to fix." It’s about showing up with resilience in the real world, in the messiness of parenting, the strength of holding space for diverse dialogue, and the courage to engage in challenging but meaningful relationships.
That’s my two cents—wishing you courageous love and regulated exploration on your journey!