Meet my trusted guide for the past 7 years – the tortoise.
In 2014 I was invited to On Purpose with Lululemon.
I was 26 weeks pregnant with Jude and my only purpose at the time was to rest, regulate, deliver a babes from an empowered and fearless place and eat as much coconut rice as possible.
The retreat was wonderful and Tracy Hutton was a force of nature, but to be frank, I was tired of purpose seeking – and so for the bulk of the time I felt out of place.
All I craved was for everyone to slow down and stop wanting – my eyes were seeing all the gold that was being lost in the lesser moments where we weren’t wanting anything at all – we were just being, just connecting (and just eating coconut rice). Those are the moments I cherish most from that weekend.
Nearing the end of our time together we were to prepare an On Purpose Statement which we shared with the entire group – one that had unfolded inside of us and fit like a glove…
Coming to the last straw of minutes before my share in front of the 20+ wellness leaders I started to shed some tears because I had spent the majority of the retreat in resistance to wanting any more purpose beyond what I had brought there – so I felt like a fraud.
I felt like Lululemon should have chosen someone else – I was sure they had wasted their faith and dollar bills on me…
In my breaking, my whole pelvis shot a jolt of electricity through me which made me meet the knowing that all of my resistance was my purpose. That I was here to help slow things down. To share the importance of cherishing what’s already there in order to bring more joy.
So I got up there, with tears full of my truth and shared that this is why I’m here. I was far from composed, but the lack of composure was true to who I was in that moment. I shared my lessons learned from recent loss and the sight that struck when I finally listened to my body 8 years ago – a feat that I believe can only be done when moving slow.
I shared my belief that less is more and that I’m here to undo the doing so that we can liberate ourselves from matters that speak nothing to the heart beat of our lives.
When I finished my “speech”, I looked at a few of the beautiful humans I got the pleasure of being lifted by that weekend, incuding @mikaelareuben @ellerobertson11 @jessrobson @ashernoelle @vancitybanana and @christinebanno – and I saw that they too shared the same knowing and the same tears.
And in an instant I no longer felt alone, I no longer felt like a fraud. It was my composure and expectation of what purpose looked like that blocked me from witnessing what was truest for me.
It made me realize that we’re all just here to unfold in our becoming and the seeking of purpose is just one of the roads we can take to knowing ourselves more fully – to witnessing what’s getting in our way of living wholeheartedly to our own beat.
So on here, this platform made of imagery and stories, it will always be my goal to share from this place – my truth. Be it in joy, ruckus, grief, confusion, blossoming, celebration, inspiration – I’m here for all of it.
With love from my wooden perch, canopied with palms and heavenly sun kissed skies.
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